My friends and I are in love with each other. Our eyes twinkle when we meet, our hugs squeeze joy into and out of our bodies, our laughter raises the vibration of everyone nearby and our excitement at merely looking at each other acts as a drug to bliss. There is no sex in this particular love story (I do apologise) …however, in the most sincere sense of the meaning, there is…in love-ness.
Our paths, combined, blend to create chaos – messy book shelves of life spilling over with badly written chick-lit, travel biographies, heart-wrenching romances, psychological encyclopaedias, family sagas, comedy journals and fairytales. Our individual shelves, however, share and portray one common theme. Seeking Spirituality.
To us, this multi-faceted word conveys ‘Oneness’, ‘Unity’, ‘Love’, ‘Compassion’. The desire – to seek, to learn, to grow – can strike at any time and, once lit, can easily be extinguished by the stinging flames of life’s lessons. But, surrounded by sincere relationships, the embers flicker undisturbed, with full knowledge that the light will return – with a little help from your friends.
It’s not always easy, especially as women, to foster sincere friendships. The ego loves to sink its teeth into thoughts provoking jealousy, competitiveness and insecurity. Women often love to hate other women. Judgement abounds. Nasty comments over choice of clothes, boyfriends, hairstyles – even the colour of someone’s nail polish – fill magazines. Whole hour slots on TV are devoted to ‘bagging’ what the celebrities wear, how fat or thin they are and who threads their eyebrows.
And women love it. They lap it up. The most popular reality TV shows bank on arguments between females to lift their ratings. And they do. That’s a rather large pile of egotistical rubbish to crawl out of, so many women choose to live in it, rather than becoming aware that the quiet irritation at the way their friend dresses, or the jealousy provoked by their sister’s happy relationship, is actually nothing more than pre-programmed, society driven propaganda – driving their thoughts and consequent emotions.
The easiest way to disassociate yourself from this behaviour and start cultivating magical friendships is to, simply, stop. Stop reading it. Stop watching it. Stop fooling yourself into thinking it makes you feel good. You’re not going to be any prettier because a movie star gets fat. Your relationship won’t be better because, ‘at least it can’t be any worse than being cheated on by a rock star in public’. And none of it, at all, holds any weight. It’s more illusionary than the images of the word ‘illusionary’ can even conjure. And it’s wholly, 100%, destructive, to any kind of relationship.
Your brain requires nourishment as much as your body. What you feed it will and does have an impact on how you behave outwardly. You can be mindlessly pre-programmed with beliefs, and acting them out, before you even think to pick up the remote control to change the channel. Learning to drive your own thoughts, will put you back in the drivers’ seat of your own life and onto a path sprinkled with delight in others, without the mud that splatters and stains your view of the world.
With regard to others ‘seemingly’ projecting jealousy, expectations and self-perceived down-right bad behaviour on to you…here’s a beautiful quote:
“Don’t take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.” Miguel Angel Ruiz.
Unless advice given to you resonates as coming from the ‘heart’ of your friend (as in, you really are being treated badly or you really do need to face, rather than avoid an issue or you really do need to stop eating McDonalds five times a day…) then simply disregard it as their issue – not yours.
No one can project anything ‘bad’ onto you. Only you can, if you choose to accept it.
The road to magical friendships is not always pretty. The twists and turns can be littered with land mines ready to explode into emotional turmoil. But, if you anoint the ground with glitter, and don your wings (you may giggle, but I promise, we have them and you can too) you’ll fly through the lessons, with compassion and love for each other.
The outcome? The absolute bliss of having companions you trust, love, have fun with, learn from…without any, let’s face it, ‘total crap’, getting in the way of the magic that is life.
With love, admiration and gratitude for all my beautiful friends, and those I’m yet to meet.