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A Guide to Magical Female Friendships

My friends and I are in love with each other. Our eyes twinkle when we meet, our hugs squeeze joy into and out of our bodies, our laughter raises the vibration of everyone nearby and our excitement at merely looking at each other acts as a drug to bliss. There is no sex in this particular love story, however, in the most sincere sense of the meaning, there is a sense of being in love.

Our paths, combined, blend to create chaos. Messy bookshelves of life spilling over with badly written chick-lit, travel biographies, heart-wrenching romances, psychological encyclopaedias, family sagas, comedy journals and fairytales. Our individual shelves, however, share and portray one common theme. Seeking evolvement of ourselves and each other, through each other.

The desire to seek, to learn and grow strikes at any time and, once lit, is easily extinguished by the stinging flames of life’s lessons. But, surrounded by sincere relationships, the embers flicker undisturbed, with full knowledge that the light will return. With a little help from your friends.

Why it’s hard to foster female friendships

It’s not always easy to foster sincere female friendships. The ego loves to sink its teeth into thoughts provoking jealousy, competitiveness and insecurity. Women often love to hate other women. Judgements abound. Nasty comments over fashion, boyfriends, hairstyles or even the colour of someone’s nail polish, fill magazines. Whole hour slots on TV are devoted to criticising what female celebrities wear, how fat or thin they are and who threads their eyebrows.

And women love it. They lap it up. The most popular reality TV shows bank on arguments between females to lift their ratings. Because they do. That’s a rather large pile of egotistical rubbish to crawl out of, so many women choose to live in it. They do this without realising that the quiet irritation at the way their friend dresses, or the jealousy provoked by their sister’s happy relationship, is actually nothing more than pre-programmed, society driven propaganda.


My tribe. Image credit: Vince Valitutti

The easiest way to disassociate yourself from this behaviour and start cultivating magical female friendships is to simply stop the negative behaviour. Stop reading it. Stop watching it. Stop fooling yourself into thinking it makes you feel good. You’re not going to be any prettier because a movie star gets fat. Your relationship won’t improve because your friend’s partner cheated on them.

Your brain requires nourishment as much as your body. What you feed it will and does have an impact on how you behave outwardly. You can be mindlessly pre-programmed with beliefs, and acting them out, before you even think to change the channel. Learning to drive your own thoughts will put you back in the driver’s seat of your own life. This leads to a path sprinkled with delight in others, without the mud that splatters and stains your view of the world.

With regard to other women projecting jealousy, expectations and down-right bad behaviour onto you, here’s a beautiful quote:

Don’t take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering – Miguel Angel Ruiz

The road to female friendships is not always pretty. The twists and turns are littered with landmines ready to explode into emotional turmoil. But, if you anoint the ground with glitter, and don your wings, you’ll fly through the lessons with compassion and love for each other.

The outcome? The absolute bliss of having companions you trust, love, have fun with and learn from. This is the incredible gift of magical female friendships.


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Wendy Toth -

Beautiful thoughts. Thank you for this.

Andrew H -

Wise words indeed. It’s that simple. If only more in the world, realise this truth, how much lighter the journey would be for us all.

– A


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